For the past few weeks the weather has been insanely hot, but this morning it was actually pouring when I stepped out of the church sanctuary after a great service. Not for very long, only an hour or so, and thankfully it stopped before we left church. But it represented something important for me, a turning point in my life, a point where God is turning me back from mistakes I have made and a path that I should not have tread on. Please allow me to share.
I started writing this blog with the intention of glorifying God and sharing the wonderful things He has shown me with others. And writing it has been an amazing experience, in seeing how He speaks, and how He can unlock the marvelous secrets of His Word. But somewhere along the way, my focus starting shifting, from God to myself. I started writing for my sake, rather than for God's sake. I have always wanted to write well, and somewhere along the way that desire starting taking over. To the point that I became proud, without even knowing it. Yes, the cardinal sin of pride is something I have always struggled with. Along the way I also felt more and more that I wanted to go to Cambridge to study, because I thought there, alone with God, I would be free to write, and enjoy an exciting overseas life. It all crashed two weeks ago, before field camp, when the blogger server crashed just as I was trying to post an entry. I had thought very hard about that entry for the past week or so, and spent two hours or more writing it. And God not allowing it to be posted made me, gradually as I spent time reflecting, realise the folly of my ways. At the same time God reminded me, very strongly, about the calling He has given me many times before, to serve, love and bless the people in my life. My family, friends and cell group. And just today, the circle was completed as He reminded me about missions, and the commitment and promise I have made to serving Him in this area with the church.
Once again, through it all, God has remained patient, forgiving and faithful; it was I who strayed, out of my utter weakness. I will not renounce any of the things I have written in this blog so far, because they were truly inspired by Him and His Word. I will vouch for that. And writing this blog has really opened my eyes to the wonders of His Word, and how wonderful He is. Like I've said before, there is nothing wrong with God. Nothing at all. It is we who stray and fall. I pray that none of you will make the same mistake that I made, and stumble into the pit of pride.
Something else happened as well; yesterday I committed a grievous sin that I thought I had overcome, that I had not committed for two months or so. The guilt was there. But I thank God that I fell because it made me realise, in truth, how weak I am. Perhaps I had grown complacent; perhaps I had ceased to depend upon the grace and strength of God. I learnt one important lesson, not for the first time- that strength lies not in our hearts, but in God. Without Him we are nothing, without Him we can do nothing. And we live each day serving Him with all our hearts, not by our own strength, but relying humble on the strength and grace that He gives. "For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure." Philippians 2:13.
And so I have made the decision to stay here in Singapore, and to devote my life to loving and serving the people that God has placed in my life. If you read this, please pray for me, as I struggle with my pride and weaknesses. And of course, if there's anything for which you need prayer, please let me know; you can write it as a comment on this blog as well. I will continue writing this blog, and I pray that evermore it will be for you, and for God. Last year during the mission trip to Korat, Thailand, I made a promise that I would return there. Thank God that He has helped me remember that promise that I made to Him, and at the end of this year I hope to be able to go there with my cell group.
I hope none of you will make the mistakes that I have made, and let us all "remember the truth that once was spoken- to love another person is to see the face of God" Les Miserables. Life here on earth is about love- loving and serving the people around us, and bringing the love and joy that God has gifted to us to those who have it not. And if you find yourself struggling with putting others above yourself, as I often do, read this verse:
"Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God; but made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross." Philippians 2: 5-8.
Jesus did it for us. Let's follow Him.
I started writing this blog with the intention of glorifying God and sharing the wonderful things He has shown me with others. And writing it has been an amazing experience, in seeing how He speaks, and how He can unlock the marvelous secrets of His Word. But somewhere along the way, my focus starting shifting, from God to myself. I started writing for my sake, rather than for God's sake. I have always wanted to write well, and somewhere along the way that desire starting taking over. To the point that I became proud, without even knowing it. Yes, the cardinal sin of pride is something I have always struggled with. Along the way I also felt more and more that I wanted to go to Cambridge to study, because I thought there, alone with God, I would be free to write, and enjoy an exciting overseas life. It all crashed two weeks ago, before field camp, when the blogger server crashed just as I was trying to post an entry. I had thought very hard about that entry for the past week or so, and spent two hours or more writing it. And God not allowing it to be posted made me, gradually as I spent time reflecting, realise the folly of my ways. At the same time God reminded me, very strongly, about the calling He has given me many times before, to serve, love and bless the people in my life. My family, friends and cell group. And just today, the circle was completed as He reminded me about missions, and the commitment and promise I have made to serving Him in this area with the church.
Once again, through it all, God has remained patient, forgiving and faithful; it was I who strayed, out of my utter weakness. I will not renounce any of the things I have written in this blog so far, because they were truly inspired by Him and His Word. I will vouch for that. And writing this blog has really opened my eyes to the wonders of His Word, and how wonderful He is. Like I've said before, there is nothing wrong with God. Nothing at all. It is we who stray and fall. I pray that none of you will make the same mistake that I made, and stumble into the pit of pride.
Something else happened as well; yesterday I committed a grievous sin that I thought I had overcome, that I had not committed for two months or so. The guilt was there. But I thank God that I fell because it made me realise, in truth, how weak I am. Perhaps I had grown complacent; perhaps I had ceased to depend upon the grace and strength of God. I learnt one important lesson, not for the first time- that strength lies not in our hearts, but in God. Without Him we are nothing, without Him we can do nothing. And we live each day serving Him with all our hearts, not by our own strength, but relying humble on the strength and grace that He gives. "For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure." Philippians 2:13.
And so I have made the decision to stay here in Singapore, and to devote my life to loving and serving the people that God has placed in my life. If you read this, please pray for me, as I struggle with my pride and weaknesses. And of course, if there's anything for which you need prayer, please let me know; you can write it as a comment on this blog as well. I will continue writing this blog, and I pray that evermore it will be for you, and for God. Last year during the mission trip to Korat, Thailand, I made a promise that I would return there. Thank God that He has helped me remember that promise that I made to Him, and at the end of this year I hope to be able to go there with my cell group.
I hope none of you will make the mistakes that I have made, and let us all "remember the truth that once was spoken- to love another person is to see the face of God" Les Miserables. Life here on earth is about love- loving and serving the people around us, and bringing the love and joy that God has gifted to us to those who have it not. And if you find yourself struggling with putting others above yourself, as I often do, read this verse:
"Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God; but made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross." Philippians 2: 5-8.
Jesus did it for us. Let's follow Him.
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