Living in Narnia

Saturday, January 05, 2008

As I was preparing to leave a friend's party on New Year's Eve, I was bending down to wear my shoe when suddenly I felt a shooting pain down my left leg as it collapsed under me. I thought nothing of it until the next morning when the same thing happened as I was bending to brush my teeth, albeit with worse intensity. It seemed that I had suffered a slipped disc.

What a way to start the New Year!

I was given an MC for the week and for the next few days, I rested in bed with minimal movement. Out of the whole experience I learnt a few valuable lessons.

Lying there and trying to pray and reflect on the Word of God, I realised how prone my mind is to wander. In daily life my mind is constantly kept busy by the many demands of work and study. But that morning, as all the busyness was stripped away and rest enforced, I found rather infuriatingly that I just could not concentrate on God. I could barely pray for 5 minutes without my thoughts drifting to some mundane thing. I determined that I would discipline my mind to focus on God, and so for the next hour or so I lay there, the cycle of subconsciously drifting away and doggedly returning repeating many times. By the end I was tired, but thankfully I had managed to reflect on some important issues.

It was a crucial lesson for me, going into this New Year. In our spiritual lives our minds are a powerful faculty, helping us to understand and meditate on the Word of God, analyse the world around us, and to reflect on our lives and set spiritual directions. Jesus commanded, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." (Matt 22:37) But we find that in life our minds are constantly occupied by work, people, leisure, and a thousand and one other things. And the serious consequence is that our minds have not been trained to love God.

How then do we love God with our minds? Well firstly I believe it must be seen as a discipline. Our minds are like a playful child in class, restless and always running around, needing to be disciplined to sit still and listen to the Teacher. Secondly, it is not confined to our devotional time each day, but it is an all-day affair. We love God with our minds when we go to work, when we relate to the people around us, when we study, when we do our devotions in quiet. It is the constant focusing of the mind to fulfill God's purposes and shine His light, no matter what the activity or time of day. It is like a constant tuning of a radio to receive and broadcast messages throughout the day. It is a constant reflection on ourselves and how we are living, so that we may realise our sins and shortcomings and seek the Lord's guidance.

Such a mind will have no problems concentrating on God when quiet time comes, because it has never stopped concentrating on Him at all. Oh, for such a mind!


Lying there in bed was also quite frustrating for me, because even doing simple things became difficult and inconvenient. Getting books or notes was a real hassle, trying to type notes with the laptop in my lap and head propped up was a real discomfort, and I had not achieved much by the end of the day.

In retrospect, I realise that prior to the injury, one of the mottos of my life had been stregnth and accomplishment. Especially with my final exams looming just 2 months away. I needed to work fast and effectively to be able to cover the vast amounts of information. And I think it is very much part of my personality too, to have my life organized and in control. Having goals and purposes, working hard and efficiently to achieve them, trying not to waste any time.

But during those days in bed, all that changed. I was no longer the master of my destiny; even something simple like getting up from bed was slow and painful. I had to accept that I could not do things as fast or efficiently as before. I had to take time to rest. In short, I had to allow a certain amount of weakness in my life.

And the verse which came to me was 2 Corinthians 12: 7-10. It is one my favourite verses in the Bible, written by the apostle Paul-

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

What that thorn in the flesh was in uncertain, but what Paul is saying here is earth-shattering. He delighted in weakness, because that is when he learnt to depend on the grace of the Lord to make Him strong. "For when I am weak, then I am strong".

In a world that celebrates individual strength and achievement, this is unthinkable. We can probably hardly believe it ourselves. And yet, when we really think about it, is not our human strength an illusion? We are fallible; no one is invincible. Even the very greatest fail. But compare that to the power of our Almighty God, Sovereign, the One for whom nothing is impossible. The One who orders this world. The choice is obvious. And He said, "my power is made perfect in weakness". What an amazing prospect!

So what does it mean to be weak? As Paul mentioned, it may mean some physical weakness or infirmity, or some difficulties, hardships or persecutions. These are the situations that really force us to depend on the Lord. But I believe it also means having an attitude of weakness no matter what the circumstance - always recognising that our human strength is just not sufficient, and depending on the Lord's grace and strength. This is different from self-belittlement, which is to think that we are totally useless and can do nothing at all. We recognise that God has given us a certain amount of strength and ability, but it is never sufficient. We need the grace of the Lord. We see through the illusion of our own human strength and pride, and humbly exchange it for the perfect power of God.

The best example is actually not Paul, but our Lord Jesus Himself. His words showed a remarkable dependence on the Father, and His life echoed that, constantly retreating to spend time with Him. He travelled miles on foot, not with an army behind, but a ragamuffin band of disciples. He entered Jerusalem not in a carriage, but on a donkey. His life was characterized by persecution and opposition, and culminated in the ultimate show of weakness- death on a Cross. And yet that Cross on Calvary has become the greatest symbol of God's power in the history of this world.

The victorious Christian life is not through a throne, but through the Cross. It was a humbling lesson for me as I entered this New Year, a year that will be full of struggle, hardship and difficulty. All the more, that attitude of weakness is what I truly need!

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