"But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold." Job 32:10
I have just come out of the greatest trial I have faced a long, long time. It was so bad that at times it felt like the greatest trial that I have ever faced in my life. Whether it is, I don't know.
The important thing, and what I want everyone to know, is that when it came to the crunch, my faith absolutely crumbled. Like Peter who denied Jesus just days after vowing to go to the death with Him. I knew what God would have wanted me to do, I knew the lessons that He had taught me, and yet I chose to go my own way. I chose to succumb totally to my own emotions and feelings, do what I wanted to do, and let go of all self-control. I committed some dastardly sins, said some very hurtful things. I failed miserably. And it confirmed what God has told me all along- that I am really so, so weak. That if I choose to rely on my own strength and my own way of doing things, I am doomed to failure. Indeed all my actions in the past week did not help one single bit, they just made things worse.
And it was only after all my feelings had been vented, and I had nothing left inside, and I turned back to God, that they change came. It was only when I looked back to His Word, the lessons that He has taught me in the past, the calling that He has given so clearly to me, that everything turned right. It was not a new problem; and God had taught me sufficiently and amply in the past how to deal with it. I turned away and fell; by His guidance I turned back, and found life.
Did God know that I would fall? "But He knoweth the way that I take..." I believe He did. And I believe He meant it as the strongest lesson thus far in the importance of depending wholeheartedly and following Him, and what He has taught me. Truly we are so very weak, prone to wander, prone to fall! Without His guidance every day of our lives we would so quickly go astray, like "sheep without a shepherd."
I truly thank God that through it all, He was so patient with me and brought me back after I had chosen to go astray. If you are feeling inadequate, or weak, or that God cannot possible use and bless a person like you, think again! He uses ordinary people; He uses weak people. No matter how weak and ordinary we are, our mighty God can use us and be so real to us. Just look at the disciples- fishermen, tax collectors. Peter, many of whose weaknesses we can see in ourselves. Because when we are weak, then God can be strong. I want to add a line to the above verse- ".. when he hath tried me, by His guidance and strength, I shall come forth as gold."
You rescued me, and picked me up
A living hope of grace revealed
A life transformed in righteousness
O Lord You have rescued me
I have just come out of the greatest trial I have faced a long, long time. It was so bad that at times it felt like the greatest trial that I have ever faced in my life. Whether it is, I don't know.
The important thing, and what I want everyone to know, is that when it came to the crunch, my faith absolutely crumbled. Like Peter who denied Jesus just days after vowing to go to the death with Him. I knew what God would have wanted me to do, I knew the lessons that He had taught me, and yet I chose to go my own way. I chose to succumb totally to my own emotions and feelings, do what I wanted to do, and let go of all self-control. I committed some dastardly sins, said some very hurtful things. I failed miserably. And it confirmed what God has told me all along- that I am really so, so weak. That if I choose to rely on my own strength and my own way of doing things, I am doomed to failure. Indeed all my actions in the past week did not help one single bit, they just made things worse.
And it was only after all my feelings had been vented, and I had nothing left inside, and I turned back to God, that they change came. It was only when I looked back to His Word, the lessons that He has taught me in the past, the calling that He has given so clearly to me, that everything turned right. It was not a new problem; and God had taught me sufficiently and amply in the past how to deal with it. I turned away and fell; by His guidance I turned back, and found life.
Did God know that I would fall? "But He knoweth the way that I take..." I believe He did. And I believe He meant it as the strongest lesson thus far in the importance of depending wholeheartedly and following Him, and what He has taught me. Truly we are so very weak, prone to wander, prone to fall! Without His guidance every day of our lives we would so quickly go astray, like "sheep without a shepherd."
I truly thank God that through it all, He was so patient with me and brought me back after I had chosen to go astray. If you are feeling inadequate, or weak, or that God cannot possible use and bless a person like you, think again! He uses ordinary people; He uses weak people. No matter how weak and ordinary we are, our mighty God can use us and be so real to us. Just look at the disciples- fishermen, tax collectors. Peter, many of whose weaknesses we can see in ourselves. Because when we are weak, then God can be strong. I want to add a line to the above verse- ".. when he hath tried me, by His guidance and strength, I shall come forth as gold."
You rescued me, and picked me up
A living hope of grace revealed
A life transformed in righteousness
O Lord You have rescued me
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