"For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" Matthew 16:26

People often tell me that I have everything. On the outside, I suppose. And that has always been a great problem when I try to comfort people who are down or disappointed. "You don't talk larh, you never had this problem!" I really thank God that He has blessed me with so many talents.

But the truth is, for years, even when I had success after success, I never really was happy. I know I was happy in primary school, but when I came to secondary school, success began to catch up with me. I began to take pride in my achievements, and gradually came to build my life around being the best. Life was pretty much about me and what I could achieve, whether in studies or sports. I often succeeded, but I found that it was never enough. I was often jealous of other people's achievements. And to my dismay I found that I had very few close friends. In public I always had a brave and confident front. But inside I was unsure of my own personality, my own character. There was a time when my greatest fear was that people would say that I had no character. And I was always trying to impress people.

I am so, so thankful to say now that life has changed so much for the better, because of what God has done. He has taught me to rest secure in His love, so that I have no need to prove anything to the world. He has taught me to love others and place them above myself, helping me to build proper and meaningful friendships and relationships. Above all He has taught me that the truest happiness is knowing that there is more to life than just earthly comfort and material wealth; that we have a higher purpose and calling that we were created for; that there is an unshakeable and unfailing love we can rest in.

"Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:32-34

I know that we can be perfectly happy living life comfortably, enjoying the companionship of dear friends, having everything we need materially. I do not deny that is a joy; I believe it is a joy given by God. But I want to share that we can discover an even higher happiness in Jesus. That wherever we go and whatever we do in the future, no matter whether we are rich or poor, whether we are judged "successful" by the world or not, we can be joyful. "for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." To my dear classmates, I know it's a time of tough decisions, of nervously awaiting university replies, of facing disappointments. But why settle for the temporal joy that worldly things bring, when we can find something so much better? In good and bad times, in all times, we can still find a deep joy in living and the "peace of God which passeth all understanding" (Philippians 4:13).

From The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

"Please, Aslan," said Lucy. "Before we go, will you tell us when we can come back to Narnia again? Please. And oh, do, do, do make it soon."
"Dearest," said Aslan very gently, "you and your brother will never come back to Narnia."
"Oh, Aslan!!" said Edmund and Lucy both together in despairing voices.
"You are too old, children," said Aslan, "and you must begin to come close to your own world now."
"It isn't Narnia, you know," sobbed Lucy. "It's you. We shan't meet you there. And how can we live, never meeting you?"
"But you shall meet me, dear one," said Aslan.
"Are-are you there too, Sir?" said Edmund
"I am," said Aslan. "But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there."

If only, if only we could have that kind of child-like love for Jesus! What a joy life would be. Have we become too encumbered by the things of the world?
Do we remember how our childhood was like? Unburdened, unquestioning, trusting wholly in the love of our parents. Fascinated by the simple joys of life. Oh how we have changed!

"But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God."
Luke 18:16

Why is there so much hypocrisy among Christians and in churches? This is one thing that many people have against Christianity and its followers, and one thing that I feel very strongly about, though I would not dare say that I am not a hypocrite. I believe it is especially important for Christians to face up to the causes and implications of this problem; Jesus intended for us to be the salt and the light of the earth.

Nowhere in the Bible does it say that man is perfect, or can ever be perfect. "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23. Many people have the false conception that Christians are supposed to be perfect, but the truth is that those who believe so are looking for a utopian world which will never exist. Christians and non-Christians are both born the same, with a sinful nature that begins to expose itself as the years go by.
Even those who have tried their best to be good have invariably faced difficulties- a tinge of jealousy here, a spot of malice there; a surge of lust here, a splash of hate there.

I believe one reason why hypocrisy seems to be present in Christians is due to this- our inherent human weakness. If every person could practise what they preached or unerringly follow what they believe in, the world would be a very different place. Take for example sports. If a sportsman could uphold his virtues of discipline and vigour in every minute, every second that he is training, world records would be shattered every week. But if you have been in sports you will know that as sportsmen we often let our guard down and do not give the best that we can give. Or we are affected by our own fear, lack of confidence, or the pressure that we are placed under. Christians know what they should do, but often are unable to do it due to their weakness. I'll be frank. Many a time I've walked by an erotic poster of sorts, knowing well where my eyes should be, but they simply wander to the wrong place. Many a time I have come back home tired after a long day, and burst out in unwarranted irritation at my brothers. And deep inside, the sinking feeling that it is so wrong. Paul faced this struggle, "For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do." I am not offering an excuse for the bad behaviour that Christians sometimes exhibit. I am saying plainly, confessing, that Christians cannot be perfect, no matter how hard we try.

But I believe that those who can grasp this are closer to the truth than they believe, because in understanding the vain futility that people face in trying to be perfect, one can understand much more clearly the essence of the Gospel. "for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." Matthew 9:13. "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8. Christ brings forgiveness. God recognises even better than we do how we sin helplessly again and again. And out of love He sent His Son to die for us. As far as I know the religions of the world are built around man's efforts to reach God, or become like God. Christianity goes one step further- it is God, reaching out for man, in love.

"If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple. For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, saying, this man began to build, and was not able to finish." Luke 14: 26-30

I believe there is another reason for the hypocrisy that we see- that Christians do not understand the importance of "counting the cost", as Jesus put it, of being a disciple. Many people are drawn to Christianity the same way they are drawn to a free lunch- forgiveness for the wrong things they have done, eternal life, and all for "free". It is free in the sense that we have done nothing to warrant or earn our salvation. Christ has already died for us, and risen; it is up to us whether we want to put our trust in Him and accept Him as our saviour. "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God." Ephesians 2:8. But Christ makes it clear in the above verses that there is a price, a cost, to being a disciple. Here the word "hate" is not meant to mean literal hatred but to "love less". We are called to put everything that is dear to us, even our own lives, complete with our selfish desires and sinful tendencies, beneath the will of Christ. It sounds harsh, but it is part of the Gospel, nonetheless. The famous philosopher Bertrand Russell said in his book Why I am not a Christian, "All these, I think, are good maxims, although they are a little difficult to live up to. I do not profess to live up to them myself; but then after all, it is not quite the same thing as for a Christian." He was referring to principles that Jesus preached. The point is, yes, as Christians we are called to live up to the principles that Jesus devoted the three years of His ministry on earth to teaching. We are! It is the cost of being a Christian.

It sounds like bad news to most people, even Christians. Perhaps that is why this portion of the Gospel is often ignored, while the "gift of God" is talked about freely. I confess that when I try to share my faith with non-Christians, the first thing I talk about is God's grace and forgiveness. And, God forgive me, I often never get far enough to talk about the cost of being a Christian. But what I have learnt is that it is not bad news at all. The word "Gospel" means "good news", and that means that this part of Jesus' teachings is part of the good news as well. How can it be? A simple example- the same Jesus that tells us to "hate" our father and mother and brother tells us to honour our parents, and to love our neighbours as ourselves. C.S. Lewis writes in his book The Four Loves , "Many people do not find it really difficult to hate their wives or mothers. M. Mauriac, in a fine scene, pictures the other disciples stunned and bewildered by this strange command, but not Judas. He laps it up easily." While of course we do not hate our parents and siblings, we often find it easy to disobey them, be rude to them, and be cold towards them. For those who don't have this problem, please bear with me. But what Jesus really meant was that though we love our parents dearly, we are to love Jesus even more, and in the process of loving Him more we learn to love our loved ones even more, as we seek to live out His teachings. I have personally experienced this, thank Jesus.

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

"So also is the resurrection of the dead. It is sown in corruption, it is raised in incorruption: It is sown in dishonour; it is raised in glory: it is sown in weakness; it is raised in power: It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body." 1 Corinthians 15:43-44

"And as we have borne the image of the earthy, we shall also bear the image of the heavenly. Now this I say, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; neither doth corruption inherit corruption." 1 Corinthians 15: 49-50

"Nothing, not even the best and noblest, can go on as it now is. Nothing, not even what is lowest and most bestial, will not be raised again if it submits to death. It is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body. Flesh and blood cannot come to the Mountains. Not because they are too rank, but because they are too weak. What is a lizard compared with a stallion? Lust is a poor, weak, whimpering, whispering thing compared with that richness and energy of desire which will arise when lust has been killed." C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce

What did Paul mean when he said, "I have been crucified with Christ?" in Galatians 2:20? I used to read and quote that verse a lot, but only now am I beginning to understand what it truly means. We are born with many natural desires, part of our human nature, so to speak. Some desires are sinful, like lust or greed; some are not, like love for our friends, our family, or that special person. But to be crucified with Christ? It is to take all our natural desires, our entire nature itself, with all its triumphs and shortcomings, and to nail it to the Cross. To offer them up to God, just like our Lord Jesus offered up his life for us. And it doesn't end there. Just like our Lord Jesus was raised from the dead and is now King of the Heavens, all that is in us, no matter how despicable or praiseworthy, can be transformed into the "image of the heavenly". I do not believe that when Paul wrote the above verses he was talking about after-death alone; in his letter to Romans he wrote a well-known verse, "be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God" (Romans 12:2)

I know it sounds rather philosophical and unapplicable to everyday life, but I have discovered very recently how real it actually is. God's Word should never be taken lightly. I hesitate to share this, but God has closed the door on the relationship that I've been in for practically my whole life. I've struggled with it for months, and even now I still feel the pinch of loneliness. But through the process I have learnt how selfish and possessive my love has been, even after all these years. "My friends keep telling me, that if you really love her, you gotta set her free...." How awfully far it is from the kind of unconditional, everlasting love that God has for us. I would be ashamed to bring that kind of love before Christ in heaven.

Now I'm in the process of that surrender; letting God transform that love, to make it more perfect, more "heavenly", and to extend it to everyone around. To learn to love unselfishly, to desire the best for others, just like God desires the best for us. It would be blasphemy for anyone to say that we can be perfect in life, because only God is perfect, and as long as we are in the flesh, we will always struggle against sin. But Jesus Himself encourages us, "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." Matthew 5:48

One common misunderstanding that people carry about Christianity is that in becoming Christian, they will have to change- give up their feelings, desires, relinquish control of their lives and let Someone else, someone they can't even see, take the reins. To many it doesn't sound a single bit appealing. Especially in the world we live in, which preaches freedom, democracy and the right to live life the way you want to, according to the principles you believe. Jesus Himself did not deny this. "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me." Matthew 16:24

But what people do not hear is the other side of the story. Jesus died, but rose from the dead. We surrender all, but in return we get everything. In surrendering our imperfect loves we can learn to love more wholly and perfectly; in surrendering our desire for material success and wealth we can learn to be content with what we have in life and to desire things that are more eternal, like caring and loving the people around us and sowing joy wherever we go. In surrendering our need for love and recognition and honour and glory we can learn to rest wholly in God's love, and not worry a bit about what people think of us- tell me, can anything be more wonderful and secure than that? And in surrendering those things that have a stranglehold on our lives, we can bring them under our control, and be free to serve God with all our hearts. I never realised how much my life depended on my relationship until now, and now that it's over I realise that I'm so much freer, to serve God, to serve others. To pursue the plans He has for me. God did not mean for us to be miserable and stifled on earth. "Thou wilt show me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures forever more." Psalm 16:11

Jesus said to His disciples, "Blessed are the eyes which see the things that ye see, for i tell you, that many prophets and kings have desired to see those things which ye see, and to hear those things which ye hear, and have not heard them." Do not take Jesus' words lightly; when He said that we are blessed if we live in Him, He really meant it, to everyone.

"As sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things." 2 Corinthians 6:10

One of my all-time favourite songs

Thank You Lord

And I thank you Lord
For the trials that come my way
In the way I can grow each day
As I let you lead
And I thank you Lord
For the patience these trials bring
In the process of growing
I can learn to care

But it goes against the way I am
To put my human nature down
And let the Spirit take control of all I do
But when those trials come
My human nature
Shouts the thing to do
And God's soft prompting
Can be easily ignored

But I thank you Lord
With each trial I feel inside
That you're there to help and lead
Guide my way from wrong
Cause you promised, Lord
That with every testing
That Your way of escaping
Is easier to bear

But I thank you Lord
For the victory that growing brings
In surrender of everything
Life is so worthwhile
And I thank you Lord
That when everything's put in place
Out in front I can see your face
And it's there I belong

When I first sang this song, it didn't appeal to me at all, partly because the chorus sounded so negative, and possibly because I had never gone through any major trials in my life. But as life wore on, the simple, honest words began to strike a chord. Isn't that what life is like? An endless struggle, against our own sinful natures; against the cares of the world like our studies, our relationships, our future. We've all faced ups and downs before, some worse than others. Some people think that Christianity is a free, all-expenses paid ticket to a better life, the instant solution to the million-and-one problems that nag at us day in, day out. Some others think, even more erroneously, that because of the grace and forgiveness of God, that Christians are free from all condemnation and hence free to live life as they please. I've found that the higher I've sought to go in my spiritual life, the harder it gets. Ask any mountain climber and he will tell you. Jesus himself said to his disciples, "In the world ye shall have tribulation" John 16:33

Thank God, that like Jesus' death on the cross, that is not the end of the story. When God closes one door he opens another. Look what follows the verse: "In the world ye shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." "My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations, knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing." James 1: 2-4. Don't underestimate the weight of the words "perfect and entire, wanting nothing". I know in some translations, the verse says "lacking nothing", but this is taken from the King James version, the most accurate one. James wasn't kidding when he said those words, he was divinely inspired. Through trials we learn to depend wholly on the grace and love of God, to the point that in good or bad times, we may want nothing else but that. God's love is all we need, everything else is a bonus, an added blessing.

"In surrender of everything, life is so worthwhile"
"For whosoever will save his life will lose it; and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it" Matt 16:24

This is not going to be a blog in the conventional sense, where I talk about myself, what's been happening in my life, my views on things, etc. I intend it to be a spiritual journal of sorts, to chronicle the valuable lessons that God has taught me and to share the joy and love that He has brought to my life. For those who have read C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia and share my love for that timeless story, perhaps you too feel the world-within-a-world: in the midst of our daily, routine lives, there is the sense of something greater, something more powerful, something eternal. Flashes of bliss and peace, surges of joy welling up from deep within, a love more powerful than all the loves in the world put together. "Drippings of grace", as C.S. Lewis puts it.

Jesus said of his disciples, "They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world" John 17:16. May God teach us what that truly means!