I actually wanted to write more, but I guess I really should be getting to sleep soon. It's back to army in a matter of hours. Let me try and summarize what army has been like for me. It's not the physical activity that kills you, because most people would have some sports background and be able to cope. And after all, physical training is like an injection- you endure for a brief moment, and then after that you scarcely remember the pain, and sometimes you even feel good. What really got to me was that army life is really meaningless and purposeless at times. We do really brainless things, sing really brainless songs, say really brainless things. And it just drags on and on and on. The days are so long, literally (18 hour day) and figuratively. You are literally living day by day, taking each day as it comes and looking forward so much to the next book out. And of course, I miss family and friends and the comforts of home. It was a great departure from the school life I loved so much, where that were always things to be excited about, friends to fool around with, and time to rest. In the army you are perpetually moving, and your body is hovering in the state where it is neither absolutely exhausted nor wonderfully charged up. That is a terrible feeling, akin to the feeling of lethargy that we sometimes experience in school.

I am not saying this for the sake of saying this or just because it seems like the right thing to say. God has really brought me through. I've learnt that anything can be overcome and endured when He is with you. Reading his Word and reading about Him gave me so much strength and joy to go on. I never looked forward to quiet time as much as I did in the army. And just thinking about Him, meditating on His words, and thinking about His everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3) kept me going. Now I look at OCS, even though it's a dreadful 10 months long, and whatever will follow, in a totally different light. All along my favourite verse has been Hebrews 12: 1-2- "...let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith", and it just became so much more real to me.

I guess this is a bit too late for my fellow NS men to read, but to everyone else who reads this, God can bring you through any situation. His love is that wonderful.

"I pray for them: I pray not for the world, but for them, which thou hast given me; for they are thine." John 17:9

What struck me about this verse was the amazing realization that Jesus thinks His disciples more important than the world! He prays not for the Israel, or for the rest of the world, but for twelve people whom you could easily call ordinary- fishermen, most of them. On hindsight, as we study His life, we should not be surprised. The Jews at that time were hoping that the Messiah would come in power, and like King David in ages past restore Jerusalem and Israel to their former glory. They were hoping for a leader with worldly power. But the Messiah was born in a manger, raised by a carpenter, and in His ministry associated himself with tax collectors and prostitutes. "for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." Jesus' priority was never the world. His work was always with people- people who were judged as the lowest kind by worldly standards.

What does it all mean? Jesus was more concerned with the souls of his followers, than the state of the world. It is hard to believe in this modern age, in a time where capitalism thrives and materialism rules. From young we are taught the importance of "making it out there", securing material possessions for ourselves. The government is always stressing economic growth and that we as Singaporeans must work harder to face the tough times, that our country may continue to prosper. To think that all this is evil is a wrong conception, I believe. Life is much more peaceful and luxurious now than it was many years ago, and it is the peace that we enjoy that allows us to pursue our faith and beliefs so easily. I think we should thank God with all our hearts that we live in Singapore.

Why then the words of Jesus? C.S. Lewis wrote, "it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit." Our souls are eternal. "And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof" 1 John 2:17. The world is not. With the war and the SARS breakout, people are beginning to believe that the end times are here. I really don't think we can predict when they will come, but I do believe that we are seeing the beginning of the end, the "birth pains" mentioned in Revelation. "And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars" Matthew 24:6. Sound familiar? Even with Iraq gone, there's still North Korea. There's still Israel and Palestine. Trouble is brewing.

For those who do not believe that the end times are here yet, or are not too concerned, even then, we only live 70+ years on earth. Time flies, it really does. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, because those who know we would know I am a very optimistic and -excited- person. And I think we should be optimistic about life, because God has so much in store. But the reality is that we cannot take anything on this earth with us when we die. However we can be optimistic- and I think optimistic here would be a huge understatement- about eternity. My pastor used to say, eternity is a long long time. Our souls are meant for eternity, and right now, we can already begin living that life of eternity. To live in this world but have that sense of something greater, both here and awaiting us in the not-too-distant future. Long and short, to know God. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth...But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven." We can begin catching glimpses in our lives of the joy that is in store for us, the joy of heaven. And I definitely want to share my thoughts about heaven one day. It's so -exciting-!

"I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil." John 17:15

My friend asked me a very interesting questions the other day. Why do we close our eyes when we pray? Nowhere in the Bible does it say that we have to do so. We do it to remove any distractions, so that we can focus our attention on God more easily. But is it possible to pray with your eyes open? My cluster leader once prayed while she was driving. Which led me on to think, is our prayer time restricted only to the wee hours of the morning or late into the night, when all is quiet around us? Is our meditation on the Word of the Lord restricted to those times when we are unbothered by other thoughts or troubles? Psalm 1 says, "But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night." No doubt the intimate moments we are familiar with are those spent alone with Him in peace and quiet. But is that the end of the story?

Nowhere in his prayer did Jesus pray that His disciples be withdrawn from the world. Throughout his ministry Jesus never sheltered His disciples from the harsh realities of the world, instead He said to them, "I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves." Matthew 10:16. I believe that Christianity is not just another high ideal, or a noble religion that men listen to and participate in on Sundays only. Our worship to the Lord should not be restricted to Sundays where we greet each other with smiling faces in church. Christianity is a way of life. Indeed, more than that, it is a life in itself. It is meant to be lived out, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. In the same way Christianity is not just a state where we feel so close to God and feel happy and peaceful, perhaps while we are worshipping him with all our hearts, or when we are praying. Do not mistake me, I cherish and love these moments very dearly. But if that was all that God intended for us, he might as well take us into heaven now. In that respect I disagree with people who say that worship is the most important part of Christian life. Jesus said very early in His ministry, "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father in heaven."

I think we can understand it better if we look to the Old Testament. "And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up." The Israelites were called to obey and serve God every moment of their lives. And I do not believe the Old Testament is outdated, because Jesus said, "Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill." Matthew 5:17.

I believe how we view our Christendom is crucial to how we respond to it. Do we see is it as just a Sunday affair? Or do we see it as our way of life- in our relationships, in our works, in our endeavours, in everything that we do?

"I have glorified thee on the earth; I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do" John 17:4

So often we are tempted to think of Christianity in terms of what it can do for us. We pray earnestly that God will bless us with peace, joy and comfort. We pray that He will help us in our daily affairs, endeavours and struggles. And I believe that we are right to do so, because God promises to bless us and give us good gifts. "If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?" Matthew 7:11

But I have learnt that we must be careful not to miss the point. I believe it is dangerous to build our lives around what we receive from God, because when we face trials, or severe disappointment, we may begin to question or doubt or distrust God. Jesus Himself, the Son of God, who is now enthroned in glory above all things, made it clear that the work that was given him was to glorify God. He did not say "I have blessed the multitudes" or "I have brought salvation to earth." "I have glorified thee on the earth." All Jesus did in his amazing ministry- preaching, healing, casting out demons, rebuking the unrighteous- was done for the glory of God. And I believe so should our lives be. That whatever God chooses to give us in our lives, we use it to glorify Him. His glory is more important than anything else. Our utmost for His highest.

Back to army tomorrow! To the land of smelly green uniforms, lousy food and perpetual fatigue. I am terribly excited. Anyway, I'll be confined for at least 2 weeks till Good Friday, so I'm going to blog like crazy today.

I was reading John 17 today, which was Jesus' prayer just before he was arrested; it's an amazing prayer. And it gave me answers to so many of the things that I've been thinking about. The Living Word, truly.