"Folks, it's not a good idea to fight with God, because God always wins." Rich Mullins

Are you feeling angry with God, or perhaps a bit rebellious? Do you feel that you are always fighting against God, and He's always trying to take away the things that you want? And perhaps you are in this resigned state where you say to Him, "Fine God, take what you want, I can't stop you anyway, You are sovereign, You are all-powerful, You will do whatever You want." But deep in your heart you hold a deep resentment against Him, a discontentment, and you never really let go of the things you want.

But you know what, aren't you glad the God always wins? Because if God ever let us win, or worse still let Satan win, then we are in deep trouble. Satan won a major battle in Eden when he convinced Eve to eat the fruit. What would have happened if God had decided to let Satan win the entire war? If God had decided not to send His beloved Son to die for us? What would have happened if God had let man win, and do his own thing? Man would just go further and further away from God (like almost all men in the Old Testament did)? But when God sent His Son to die on the Cross to triumph over Satan and sin and draw men back to Himself He won the war once and for all. Thank God He did!

Now we are willing to believe in this truth. We are willing to believe in the truth of our salvation, and better still, rejoice in His victory. We sing it, we shout it- "Jesus, we celebrate Your victory! Jesus, we revel in Your love!" But yet when it comes to the other things of our lives, the things that we want, we blatantly refuse to let God win. We fight and fight with Him and even when He wins, we sulk and turn our face away. We think that our victory would be better.

Is God's character doubtable? Can His victory on the Cross be so wonderful, so powerful, so worthy of praise, and yet His victory in other areas of our lives the exact opposite- unwanted, detestable? It took faith for us to believe in the power of the Cross; it will also take faith to believe that letting Him win in our lives is the best thing for us. And it really is. When we believed in the Cross we first believed that we are wretched sinners in need of help. And when we believe in God's victory in our lives we also first need to believe that God's way is always the best way, and we are always in need of His help.

I will not kid you, I did not believe myself. I was angry, upset with God. And for what it was worth I tried to prove Him wrong, to try and find the best way on my own terms, without surrendering fully to Him. What He took away, I let go of unwillingly, sullenly, still in my heart clinging on to my toys and wishing that He would give them back. But there came a point where I had enough. I decided to give God a try, to give Him a chance to prove that His way was the best way, that His victory was what I really wanted. And impossible as it seemed, He did. And now I know that I've seen enough on my own, and I want to come back to Him and let Him win. Because in His victory over me I will find more than I ever had before, I will have everything I have ever really wanted, and all I have ever needed.

Will you give God a try?

"Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
And I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees." - Rich Mullins, Hold Me Jesus

Sometimes I wonder why I write. Sometimes I see it as an obligation, a duty, a responsibility to fulfill. And sometimes it just feels good to write things that people can appreciate and enjoy- pride I guess. But at the end of the day I realize that I write out of what is within me- not anything that I myself have made of course, but what God has placed within me. I write out of what I know of Him in this precious relationship that I have with Him, I write out of what He has taught me in this long arduous journey of life, I write about what He has taught me in the countless mistakes I have made. Whatever the motives, that is the source. He is the source. And when the river is cut off from the source, then the river dries up.

So if you will appreciate and enjoy my articles, do not marvel at my writing or anything about me. Do not appreciate or praise me or my writing or words. Because there is nothing to marvel about. Rather appreciate the God that is behind all this. Appreciate how great He is, and the truths that have prompted me to write. Appreciate the God in whose hands I am a mere pen, a mere pencil, without whom I would have withered away long ago. And if you will believe anything, do not believe me. Believe in the God from whom faith flows. Believe the One from whom all good promises come. And find your own faith in Him.

"There's a loyalty that's deeper than mere sentiment
And a music higher than the songs that I can sing." -Rich Mullins

"Love... bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things..." 1 Cor 13:7

I look to You Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

At the end of the day, when all is stripped away, it all comes down to love. The same love that has carried me through my toughest times. The love that I am finding increasingly difficult to trust, and yet has proved utterly faithful and unfailing through the seasons. The unconditional love that loves me as I am and will never let me go. The love that loves me enough to hurt me to the deepest and then restore me to the highest. The love that will last beyond the grave to eternity.

I don't know how many more times I'm going to stumble and fall; I only know that each time I fall and am picked up I come closer to that love and finding myself in it. At times it seems to tantalizingly close; at other times it seems a million miles away. Yet when I have finally found it, I know I will have found everything I have ever sought, the love that gives meaning to life, the source from which all other things flow. And that is the day that I will be complete...